Pages 1 and 2 of Dealing With Conflict Chart
How to use the Dealing With Conflict
1. Acknowledge that God’s grace is abundantly available.
2 Corinthians 9:8 And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that always having all sufficiency in everything, you may have an abundance for every good deed; (Grace= God’s divine influence on the heart and its reflection in the life, including gratitude.)
2. Acknowledge the feeling and receive affirmation from God. Ask God what He thinks about your feeling. (Let Him affirm what you are feeling – “It does hurt - she was rude to you.”) Agree with Him that He designed you to have this response.
Hebrews 4:15 For we do not have a high priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but One who has been tempted in all things as we are, yet without sin.
Hebrews 5:1-10 (Even more than an earthly high priest, Christ deals with us gently.)
3. Count the cost. (Be honest about what really occurred and the extent of the hurt. We cannot forgive a debt we do not know exists or if we don’t know the amount of the note.) Recognize/acknowledge that what they did was wrong.
Matthew 8:21-24 Then Peter came and said to Him, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times?” 22Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven. 23”For this reason the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his slaves. “When he had begun to settle them, one who owed him ten thousand talents was brought to him.
4.Acknowledge that the person could never pay the debt – release the debt by receiving what Christ did on the cross to pay for this debt.
Matt. 18:25”But since he did not have the means to repay, his lord commanded him to be sold, along with his wife and children and all that he had, and repayment to be made.
5. Surrender that person to God. “God, she is your problem. You alone know how to work in her life.”
Philippians 1:6 For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.
6. Ask God if there is any sin on our part. (Ungodly patterns of thoughts or emotions - our flesh response, i.e. rebellion, desire to give in – old patterns that we have to cope with hurt.)
John 21:21-22 So Peter seeing him said to Jesus, “Lord, and what about this man?” 22Jesus said to him, “If I want him to remain until I come, what is that to you? You follow Me!”
7. As He shows us ungodliness, give God those patterns. Acknowledge that our ways of dealing with a conflict are not right. Remember if there is a conflict, it is directly related to our own pride. James 3:16, 4:1-2. Receive the forgiveness He offered from the cross and receive power (grace) to respond correctly.
James 3:16 For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there is disorder and every evil thing.
James 4:1-2 What is the source of quarrels and conflicts among you? Is not the source your pleasures that wage war in your members? 2You lust and do not have; so you commit murder. You are envious and cannot obtain; so you fight and quarrel. You do not have because you do not ask.
8. Take the situation back to God and ask what He wants us to do, if anything. (This now leaves neither person in control but asks God to take care of us, the situation and the other person.)
9. Thank God that we are in the process of receiving God’s abundant divine influence on our heart and that it is available to show His reflection.